You Have the Right to Be Wrong
posted by Mounirra | 8:14 pm
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Mounirra's Musings
reflections on the present, and future, and reminiscence of life past
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Friday 25 August 2006
The Courage to Live Consciously by Steve Pavlina
Excellent article on developing courage to take charge of your life
The Courage to Live Consciously by Steve Pavlina
The Courage to Live Consciously by Steve Pavlina
posted by Mounirra | 8:13 pm
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How to Decide When to End a Long-term Relationship
How to Decide When to End a Long-term Relationship:
"not just for people who aren’t sure about the status of their relationship but also those with healthy relationships who want to make it even better. This book will help you diagnose the weak points of your relationship that could lead to break-up and allow you to consciously attend to them.
Here are some diagnostic points from the book you may find valuable (these are my summaries, not the author’s exact words):
1. If God or some divine being told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave? If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead. Drop the self-torturing beliefs and choose happiness. Living together physically but not in your heart isn’t going to fool any divine being anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.
2. Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty? If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.
3. Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you? If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.
4. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner? If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.
5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing? Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave. Example: “Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or I’m gone.” Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.
6. Do you see yourself when you look in your partner’s eyes? A metaphor… if you don’t sense a strong compatibility with your partner, you’re better off with someone else.
7. Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals? No mutual respect = time to leave.
8. Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about? If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. You’ll break even by being on your own and gain tremendously by finding someone else who is a resource to you.
9. Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness? If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.
10. Do you and your partner have fun together? A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.
11. Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together? If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off.
These questions drive home the point that a relationship should enhance your life, not drain it. At the very least, you should be happier in the relationship than outside it. Even if a break-up leads to a messy divorce with complex custody arrangements, Kirshenbaum points out that in many situations, that can still lead to long-term happiness whereas staying in a defunct relationship almost surely prevents it.
Steve Pavlina
"not just for people who aren’t sure about the status of their relationship but also those with healthy relationships who want to make it even better. This book will help you diagnose the weak points of your relationship that could lead to break-up and allow you to consciously attend to them.
Here are some diagnostic points from the book you may find valuable (these are my summaries, not the author’s exact words):
1. If God or some divine being told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave? If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead. Drop the self-torturing beliefs and choose happiness. Living together physically but not in your heart isn’t going to fool any divine being anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.
2. Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty? If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.
3. Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you? If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.
4. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner? If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.
5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing? Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave. Example: “Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or I’m gone.” Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.
6. Do you see yourself when you look in your partner’s eyes? A metaphor… if you don’t sense a strong compatibility with your partner, you’re better off with someone else.
7. Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals? No mutual respect = time to leave.
8. Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about? If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. You’ll break even by being on your own and gain tremendously by finding someone else who is a resource to you.
9. Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness? If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.
10. Do you and your partner have fun together? A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.
11. Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together? If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off.
These questions drive home the point that a relationship should enhance your life, not drain it. At the very least, you should be happier in the relationship than outside it. Even if a break-up leads to a messy divorce with complex custody arrangements, Kirshenbaum points out that in many situations, that can still lead to long-term happiness whereas staying in a defunct relationship almost surely prevents it.
Steve Pavlina
posted by Mounirra | 4:57 pm
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Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery:
"Between stimilus and response lies the opportunity for conscious choice. You can be fired from your job and turn it into a victory instead of a defeat (Lee Iacoca did). You can go bankrupt and move on to even greater wealth (Donald Trump did). You can be injured to the point of disfiguration and turn it into an advantage to inspire others (W. Mitchell did). You can be dumped by your girlfriend, feel suicidal, and yet still bounce back (Billy Joel did). And on the other hand, you can enjoy outstanding external success and yet abuse yourself to the point of death (John Belushi did).
For any seemingly “negative” event, you can find someone who turned it into an empowering experience. And for any “positive” event, you can find someone who interpreted it in such a way as to destroy themselves. Avoid the trap of letting events subconsciously control you, and use the power of your consciousness to decide your own interpretation of events for the greatest good of all.
When you reach the point of becoming independent of external events, you’re truly free. This is the state of being detached from external events, knowing that you can exert direct conscious control over your thoughts instead of needing something external to do it for you. Dr. Wayne Dyer refers to it as being “independent of the good opinion of others.” No matter what happens to you, you can still choose to be at peace.
Steve Pavlina
"Between stimilus and response lies the opportunity for conscious choice. You can be fired from your job and turn it into a victory instead of a defeat (Lee Iacoca did). You can go bankrupt and move on to even greater wealth (Donald Trump did). You can be injured to the point of disfiguration and turn it into an advantage to inspire others (W. Mitchell did). You can be dumped by your girlfriend, feel suicidal, and yet still bounce back (Billy Joel did). And on the other hand, you can enjoy outstanding external success and yet abuse yourself to the point of death (John Belushi did).
For any seemingly “negative” event, you can find someone who turned it into an empowering experience. And for any “positive” event, you can find someone who interpreted it in such a way as to destroy themselves. Avoid the trap of letting events subconsciously control you, and use the power of your consciousness to decide your own interpretation of events for the greatest good of all.
When you reach the point of becoming independent of external events, you’re truly free. This is the state of being detached from external events, knowing that you can exert direct conscious control over your thoughts instead of needing something external to do it for you. Dr. Wayne Dyer refers to it as being “independent of the good opinion of others.” No matter what happens to you, you can still choose to be at peace.
Steve Pavlina
posted by Mounirra | 4:39 pm
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0 comments
Relationships
"Social conditioning teaches us gross misconceptions about relationships and especially marriage. Marriage is viewed as a final destination, a lifetime bonding, when for most people it’s nothing of the sort. Marriage is simply a continuation of our experience of human relationships. It’s a middle piece, not an ending or a beginning. Realize that no human relationship is ever permanent. Whether it ends in divorce, separation, or death, it will eventually end. It’s only a matter of time. Every beginning flows towards an ultimate ending, and every ending flows into new beginnings. Instead of fighting this cycle, learn to enjoy the ride without becoming overly attached to the past. Simply enjoy what you have in the present, even if you’re alone, and then focus your intentions on what you’d like to experience next.
On March 29 my wife and I will celebrate our 8-year anniversary, and we’ve been in a committed relationship for almost 12 years now. Every year is different. Our relationship is constantly reinventing itself. Sometimes the main component of our relationship is our friendship, and other times we’re passionate lovers (my personal favorite). Sometimes we come together to achieve mutual goals like parenting our kids, and other times we allow space between us to work on our individual pursuits. Sometimes we couldn’t be more compatible, and other times we frustrate the hell of out each other. Will our human relationship last forever? Of course not. Like any other marriage, it will eventually end in death, divorce, or separation. We may die separately, we may die together, we may eventually grow in different directions. But the realization that our human relationship is temporary makes our present moments together that much more precious. No human relationship is endowed with the privilege of permanence. Non-human relationships perhaps… but while you’re here on earth, your earthbound relationships are just as mortal as the flesh they inhabit."
Steve Pavlina
Keeping Perspective When You Have a Really, Really Big Problem
On March 29 my wife and I will celebrate our 8-year anniversary, and we’ve been in a committed relationship for almost 12 years now. Every year is different. Our relationship is constantly reinventing itself. Sometimes the main component of our relationship is our friendship, and other times we’re passionate lovers (my personal favorite). Sometimes we come together to achieve mutual goals like parenting our kids, and other times we allow space between us to work on our individual pursuits. Sometimes we couldn’t be more compatible, and other times we frustrate the hell of out each other. Will our human relationship last forever? Of course not. Like any other marriage, it will eventually end in death, divorce, or separation. We may die separately, we may die together, we may eventually grow in different directions. But the realization that our human relationship is temporary makes our present moments together that much more precious. No human relationship is endowed with the privilege of permanence. Non-human relationships perhaps… but while you’re here on earth, your earthbound relationships are just as mortal as the flesh they inhabit."
Steve Pavlina
Keeping Perspective When You Have a Really, Really Big Problem
posted by Mounirra | 4:27 pm
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How to Predict Your Future
How to Predict Your Future
by Being Conscious Today, & Everyday for the Rest of Your Life
How Conscious are you?
I don't have what it takes to perform at a certain level now, but I have what it takes to grow.
The past 20 years of my life have all been a big mistake. I know it was wrong, but I was too weak to change.
I may lack the strength to change right now, but I intend to become strong enough to make the change.
I know this is what I must do, but at least for now, I lack the strength to do it. I can't even see how this is going to be possible for me. However, I intend to become strong enough to handle it, whatever it takes.
The Power of Consciousness -
- overrides environment
- overrides behaviour
- overrides fear
As of this moment, I intend to become more conscious and aware.
by Steve Pavlina
by Being Conscious Today, & Everyday for the Rest of Your Life
How Conscious are you?
I don't have what it takes to perform at a certain level now, but I have what it takes to grow.
The past 20 years of my life have all been a big mistake. I know it was wrong, but I was too weak to change.
I may lack the strength to change right now, but I intend to become strong enough to make the change.
I know this is what I must do, but at least for now, I lack the strength to do it. I can't even see how this is going to be possible for me. However, I intend to become strong enough to handle it, whatever it takes.
The Power of Consciousness -
- overrides environment
- overrides behaviour
- overrides fear
As of this moment, I intend to become more conscious and aware.
by Steve Pavlina
posted by Mounirra | 3:42 pm
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0 comments
Thursday 24 August 2006
Self-Discipline
Self-Discipline
Interesting insight on self-discipline - the 5 pillars
A WHIP
Acceptance
Will Power
Hard Work
Industry
Persistence
Foundation - ACCEPTANCE - accepting where you are right now
"...be impressed by what you can accomplish over the next 5-10 years if you progressively build your self-discipline. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. The first step is to openly accept where you are right now, whether you feel good about it or not. Surrender yourself to what you have to work with — maybe it isn’t fair, but it is what it is. And you won’t get any stronger until you accept where you are right now."
Interesting insight on self-discipline - the 5 pillars
A WHIP
Acceptance
Will Power
Hard Work
Industry
Persistence
Foundation - ACCEPTANCE - accepting where you are right now
"...be impressed by what you can accomplish over the next 5-10 years if you progressively build your self-discipline. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. The first step is to openly accept where you are right now, whether you feel good about it or not. Surrender yourself to what you have to work with — maybe it isn’t fair, but it is what it is. And you won’t get any stronger until you accept where you are right now."
posted by Mounirra | 2:23 pm
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Overcoming Procrastination by Steve Pavlina
Overcoming Procrastination by Steve Pavlina
useful insight on overcoming procrastination
Have To - Want To (you are free to choose)
Finish It - Begin It (a small task)
Perfectionism - Be Human! (lots of time for revision)
'Deprivation' - Guaranteed Fun (schedule tasks around leisure)
TIMEBOXING - a great technique!
Immediate reward for putting in 30-minute effort regardless of achievement
Associating starting on a task with pleasure
Do the Best you can Within 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes, whatever time given
read Timeboxing for further elaboration
useful insight on overcoming procrastination
Have To - Want To (you are free to choose)
Finish It - Begin It (a small task)
Perfectionism - Be Human! (lots of time for revision)
'Deprivation' - Guaranteed Fun (schedule tasks around leisure)
TIMEBOXING - a great technique!
Immediate reward for putting in 30-minute effort regardless of achievement
Associating starting on a task with pleasure
Do the Best you can Within 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes, whatever time given
read Timeboxing for further elaboration
posted by Mounirra | 2:02 pm
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0 comments
Wednesday 23 August 2006
TIME.com: 25 Sites We Can't Live Without -- Page 1
TIME.com: 25 Sites We Can't Live Without -- Page 1
check out News & Information, Staying Connected, Web Search & Services
check out News & Information, Staying Connected, Web Search & Services
posted by Mounirra | 3:21 pm
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Tuesday 22 August 2006
Free Image and Video Hosting - Photo Image Hosting Site : Photobucket.com
Free Image and Video Hosting - Photo Image Hosting Site : Photobucket.com
another photo sharing website
another photo sharing website
posted by Mounirra | 7:34 pm
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Tuesday 15 August 2006
Nobody out
lovely sunny, peaceful day to take a stroll in town!
This is in Italy.
This is in Italy.
posted by Mounirra | 7:26 pm
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Tuesday 8 August 2006
Friday 4 August 2006
Queen Street with bridge
street scene in Bath; love the city
posted by Mounirra | 6:02 am
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